but I'm not sleepy!

It’s 8:45. You feel like it’s midnight. You’ve been up since 6:00AM dealing with car pools, lunch making, arguments, bath time and more. You want nothing more than to sit down with your favorite book and relax for the rest of the night.

There’s only one problem: your son does not know of your plans and he’s up way past his bedtime, fighting you at every step of the bedtime procedure. And when you try to soothe him and tell him it’s time for bed, he echoes the usual refrain, “But I’m not sleepy!!”

How can you argue with that?



There are a number of things that parents can do to ease the end of the day blues that occur when kids fight against going to bed.



time-outs: do they really work? pop quiz answers

Happy New Year! I hope that the first week and a half have been awesome and that things are only getting better from here! Remember to make 2012 a great year for and with your kids as well. Go parents!



And now without further ado, the answers to our Time-Out Pop Quiz!

How many times should you explain to a child why they are in time-out?
  
At least twice, when you put them into time-out and when you take them out. If they can explain to you why they’re in time-out, then have them tell you at the end of their time. Once the time-out is over though, don’t bring it up. If the behavior happens again, give your warnings and place them back, repeating the explanation.

Should you show them your anger when placing them in time-out?
   
Nope. It might not be possible to keep it entirely hidden, but do not act out of anger when possible. Plus time-outs can be a boon to you too. 5 minutes should be plenty of time for you to get yourself under control. Deep breaths.

time outs: do they work? really?

I want to play with it! It’s mine! The first raised voices of the day between your children. You can see the two of them in the next room, so there will be no case of “he said, she said” when it comes to fixing the problem. You watch for a second to see if they might turn the ship around and return to calm waters. Nope.

A parental headache is unfolding & instantly becomes a migraine after you see your daughter hit your son in the face. They know that hitting is against the rules! Why do it?! You’re into the room in a flash, taking your daughter by the shoulders to tell her that hitting isn’t allowed and that she’ll have to go to time-out for her behavior. She cries as you carry her over to your time-out step, chair or spot. You place her back there a couple of times before her time is over all the while wondering if you’re doing the right thing. Are you simply being mean? Is she learning anything from this? Is it important that she does?

how well do you ignore your children?

The kid whisperer is back with -- what I think -- is pretty timely advice. The holidays, while wonderful and magical, also seem to be prime time for tantrums since routines are out of sync. Katie Robinson has a thought for dealing with tantrums. Just I-G-N-O-R-E.

When I was growing up with a younger brother who had frequent outbursts, the spelling of the word ignore (I-G-N-O-R-E) almost became a word in itself (we also found ourselves spelling c-o-o-k-i-e a lot). We weren’t and still aren’t always the best at overlooking his “ignore worthy” behaviors, but we do try.

So how good are you at ignoring your children? Many parents have probably never been asked this question. Many parents might also think it rather impertinent if they were asked. But it’s an important thing to consider. Parents do ignore their children in productive ways all the time. If you have a baby who is old enough to begin soothing themselves back to sleep when they awaken in the night, then you have most likely productively ignored them. The same is true when you hear yells from another room. Sometimes the appropriate response is to ignore the noises so that your child/children can fix the distressing or frustrating situation themselves.

But what about when your child is underfoot and whining about something...?

practice makes perfect

When I tell people that I am starting a behavior management business to work with parents on improving their children’s behaviors, invariably the response that I get is that they know someone who could benefit from my services.

My sister has a lot of trouble controlling her kids. They don’t listen to her.

My grandson throws monstrous temper tantrums when he doesn’t get his way and he’s only 3!

Over Thanksgiving, I spoke with a woman who instead handed me an article from the Wall Street Journal entitled Tantrum Tamer: New Ways Parents Can Stop Bad Behavior. I sat down right in the middle of the get together to read it. This article lays out some useful points on dealing with problematic behaviors, from tantruming to clinginess.

Just as with all new skills, practice is required for both parents and kids to master them. Positive reinforcement is a valuable tool for parents, but if you can never seem to find an opportunity to reinforce a behavior that you want to see (because your child doesn’t know how to successfully perform that behavior), then you’ll never be able to reinforce it. For example, when it’s time to go to school in the morning, your child throws a fit; yelling, screaming, laying on the floor and kicking. Ack!

happy hollerdays

You hear sounds of unpleasantness coming from the next room. Ahh Thanksgiving. The children have been excused to go play. You enter the living room to see your daughter and her cousin engaged in a tug-of-war over a toy tractor. You hesitate before stepping in.

Should you correct both of their behaviors as you normally would with just your daughter? Should you only talk to your child? Should you simply take the toy away? Should you go find your brother-in-law and talk it over with him? Hmm... Sounds like a holiday conundrum.



While holidays often bring cheer, they can be the cause of family stress and strife as well. Before the fun begins, you might want to set up some ground rules (if not for others than for yourself) that will establish boundaries for your conduct and expectations of your kids, other kids and the adults in your family.